Uncensored Series: Body as a substitute for emotional intamacy

A study released in 2006 by the Guttmacher Institute reported that despite the push for abstinence in schools and government funded programs just over 95% of adults have sex before marriage. This astounding fact is also not new to the times. The study showed that numbers are virtually unchanged since the 1950's. Another interesting fact is that despite these numbers, a strong 68% of Americans still believe sex should be saved till marriage. Basically we are saying we shouldn't "do it", but we just can not help it. So what is going on here? Why are we so easily moved to compromise on this issue. Even among Christian teens who profess to have a belief in God, there are still only just over half that end up waiting. Well, put very simply, sex has become the easy way out. There could be a number of reasons why people choose to have sex before marriage, but i believe the greatest reason is an emotional insecurity or hunger.

"Many people today share their bodies because they are afraid to share themselves"(Mayo 2). If you were to survey the majority of unmarried teens and adults and ask them to name some of the things that were most important to them, you would find that a close intimate relationship would top the list. You would also find that sex would not even come close to number one or two. People are trying to use sex as an easy way to achieve that desperately needed intimate relationship. Many are afraid to address the emotional need in their life that is creating that desire to bond with sex. Lets refer to a popular Biblical example of a guy who sold something very important to him in order to full fill a hunger. In Genesis 25 we read about Esau. Esau got so hungry that he agreed to sell his birthright (inheritance/blessing) for a bowl of soup. What we can take away from this example is that A Hungry need is a dangerous need (Mayo 3).

Basically we all have areas in our lives that our emotionally hungry. Some are hungry to be liked and appreciated, others are hungry to belong to an individual who makes them feel special. Maybe you are hungry to love someone because you have a tough time loving yourself. We are hungry to be successful and influential, the list can go on forever. Simply put an emotional need that is hungry and unfulfilled brings us to do things that we otherwise wouldn't have done.

It is common among teens who expressed a desire to remain abstinent, to give away their bodies in hope of holding on to a relationship. Many think that the one minute of sexual pleasure will be enough to fight the emotional baggage on the inside.

This all can be summed up in one quote. Rollo Mayo said,
"Today there is so much use of the body as a substitute for emotional intimacy. Its much easier to jump into bed with someone then it is to share your fears, your hopes, your dreams...all the things that go on inside a person's true, emotional self. Because the body becomes a sort of buffer, the pursuit of genuine and lasting intimacy gets short circuited through the sexual act. Sadly most people never experience true intimacy with the other person."

I will continue with this post tomorrow and address some of the emotional barriers that we bring to relationships and some of the negative affects that sex can have as a cure for those.

"Uncensored" by Jeanne Mayo. A critical look

One area in all of our lives (if you are human), that is the toughest place to practice the principle of sacrifice, is our dating relationships. Whether you are a Christian, a Muslim an Atheist or any other belief, we all have ideas and philosophies on dating. The majority of us are interested in the principles of attraction and the correct way to satisfy those hormonal urges that are all so compelling. Some people don't believe in kissing on the first date, while others do not think you even need to know the person to have sex. Regardless of all the different philosophies (which I believe only one has the healthiest answer) out there, we can all agree that most people will take the time to read a blog dedicated to the subject (like SacrificeNow). Over the next couple of days i will be delving into this topic of dating, sexual attraction and our social practices, and hopefull help us uncover the underlying motives for it all. My posts will be based on a whole array of different reaserch and books, but one book inparticular will be the center of focus. "Uncensored: Dating, friendship, and sex" by Jeanne Mayo. I encorage you to check it out if you are interested. Its a short read and is quite entertaing.

Ill leave you again with some words for thought

In the last twenty years, we have not gone through a sexual revolution as much as a revolution in our search for intimacy --Anson Mount: Co-Author of the "PlayBoy Philosphy"

Stop and Love (part 2)

In part one of my post I began with a verse from 1 John 3 that said. "let us stop just saying we love each other; let us show it by our actions." I then went on to say how love has become just that, a saying. I asked you some questions pertaining to what role love has played in your own life. Now lets find out how Jesus viewed love. 

Jesus gives a perfect example of how true love should be expressed, and how love should be a sacrifice and not a convenience. Jesus was not a man who was afraid of interruptions. He was not afraid to stop. He stopped when others needed his help. He stopped when someone was in need of protection or comfort. When someone had a problem or question that really needed answering, Jesus stopped. Jesus saw these little intrusions into his daily routine as opportunities divinely appointed by God. These were opportunities where Jesus could show God's love to people who desperately needed it.

Jesus took the show first, tell later approach when it came to love. Jesus defined love as meeting the needs of others, he described love as foremost an action. God wants us to be successful, and he has called us to change the world, but he never wants us so busy doing so that we ignore the interruptions of those in need.  Just as the good Samaritan stopped and allowed God to touch someone through him, Jesus wants us to always be ready to help. 1 John 3:16-17 (MSG) says, 

  This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear

Jesus showed that you can not have love without showing love, or doing love, or being love. You can not possess love without giving it away. When the followers of John the Baptist asked Jesus to prove that he was who he said he was, his first response to them was to look at his service, or actions. He said, "Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.” (Luke 7:22 NIV)

Then James speaks of action, “Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup – where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?” (James 2:14a-17 MSG)

Francis of Assisi, a Catholic friar wrote, "Preach the gospel; if necessary, use words." 

In showing love, no act was below Jesus. He served and sat with lepers, tended to children and washed others feet. He was able to do this freely because his service came from his love. 

Next time you tell someone you love them, think of how Jesus expressed love. Make the sacrifice, put yourself on the line for someone else, not because you should, but because you love them. 

Stop and Love

Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.” (1 John 3:18 NLT) 

 

Living a life of sacrifice has many implications. I believe the one greatest sacrifice we can make, and the one God has called us to make, is the sacrifice of love. Today we are all told to "love your neighbor as yourself." I am sure your mother beat into your head that you must "be kind to strangers" (but do not talk to them either), and that you need to tell your grandmother that you love her. The word love has become a second rate word to a lot of people in society. The true meaning of the word love has been lost, and thus the word is being thrown around as glitter on greeting cards and used as a resolve for child abuse. Apparently love also now fails 60% of the time when used as a foundation for marriage, but for some reason can be used as the sole reason for continuing an affair. 

Think back in your own life. How have you viewed and treated love. Was it just another word used to get your way in that early dating relationship of yours? Or was it a life philosophy that you lived by, treasured, protected and generously gave of? Can we describe love as an action? An emotion? A decision or choice? Or is it a life characterized by all three? Take a moment and ask yourself these questions.  I will look at how Jesus viewed love in the next post. 

Here is how one man described love:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul." --St. Augustine

Living a life of sacrifice

Well, this is my first ever post on my first ever blog. I have always wanted to start a blog and today it finally happened. I wanted to create something that people would find helpful and would enjoy reading. I wanted to create a place where I could share the life lessons I have learned and provide some insight into topics that I really enjoy. The theme of my blog is "SacrificeNow." I have come to realize that all things in life, from relationships to work to play, require some level of sacrifice in order to be successful. Many times we have to sacrifice things that we enjoy so that we can achieve a goal that is thought to be overall "better" for us. We have to sacrifice fast food for fast abs, family time for a bigger paycheck, a smaller paycheck for family time or maybe just a few minutes of your day to write a blog that you hope will be influential.

 More importantly, and the larger focus of this blog will be how as Christians, we can apply the principle of sacrifice to our daily walk in Christ. I will be providing daily insight into devotionals and biblical passages that I have read. I will be sharing stories of how I have experienced the principle of sacrifice in my own life. I will attempt to tackle topics such as love, sex, relationships, marriage, counseling, friendship, physical and mental health and an array of other topics that i have found to be quite pertinent to the current times. I will address all of these topics firstly from a biblical perspective, but also in a way that will be useful to the non-believer as well. I ENCOURAGE QUESTIONS AND DEBATE, FOR THIS BLOGS ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO ENCOURAGE CRITICAL THINKING. Lastly, I pray that everyone who happens to stumble upon this blog will be touched in someway. 

Ill leave you with some words for thought..The one thing that all super heroes have in common is sacrifice. They all must sacrifice something in order to function in their super hero capacity. Many times that something they have to sacrifice is the very thing that we believe we can not live without.